🧶 Your grandmother has kidnapped you. For your own good. Probably.

Granny Carrottop has been the village granny since before the other grannies were born. She mends any pot. She finds anything lost. She knows every child by the sound of their heartbeat — and can't recognize a single adult face. She tells stories about whale-bishops and dreaming cities and a second husband she describes the way other people say flood.

Nobody believes a word she says. You don't either.

That was your first mistake.

Tonight you were pulled from your bed, sacked, and carried through a hole in reality by a legendary retired adventuring party you thought existed only in her nonsense — a seven-foot gnome (she insists), her cousin who lives in the afro, a wizard who apologized to the sack, and a cat that has not aged in twenty years and is currently judging you.

You could have been a baker. A fine baker. A life of utter monotony.

But first — Granny says, rocking, pipe glowing, utterly sincere — first you have to see the alternative, and live to tell the tale.

A comedic-dark fantasy of ridiculous legends that turn out to be true, devastating truths disguised as ridiculous legends, and one grandmother who remembers exactly what matters. #oc2026