In a desert of sacred odors, whoever controls the Funk rules the stars.
Premise
On the brutal salt-world of Parchia, interstellar civilization runs on one sacred, coveted resource: The Funk. A mind-expanding, highly addictive vapor vented by multi-kilometer subterranean behemoths known as the Grandfather Snufflers, it grants navigators prescient sight and galactic elites profound snobbery. When your aristocratic house is given the desert fief, sabotage leaves you stranded in the deep Cauldron alongside two native scouts: Bram, a grim elder of the Nasal Faith, and Kip, his chatty, practical apprentice.
What to Expect
#oc2026




A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the vents are properly sealed. — from Manual of the Nasal Way by the Princess Irilac

The brass seal of the emergency Snout-Still bit into the bridge of your nose like an irritable crab. Every breath whistled through the copper catch-tube, tasting faintly of sulfur, dried mint, and yesterday's tea.
Across the blinding white expanse of the salt pan, the remains of your Zephyr skiff burned with a clean, expensive crackle.
Bram, the elder Silt-Master, remained on one knee beside a jagged crack in the salt crust, ignoring the fire entirely. His gnarled hands gripped a bronze sounding-rod driven deep into the sand. Beside him, crouching on the wreckage of a cargo crate, was Kip—his teenage apprentice—busily adjusting the intake straps on a spare filter unit.
The crack in the salt hissed.
A plume of iridescent, amber-tinted vapor puffed into the scorching air. It carried no stench of decay; rather, it struck the senses like a tidal wave of caramelized brown sugar, dark roast coffee, roasted almonds, and absolute philosophical certainty.
(The Silt-Folk maintain that a man who has never smelled prime wild Funk has only experienced existence in monochrome, though they rarely mention the accompanying sinus migraines.)
“Grade-A Prime Vent,” Kip murmured, leaning forward with bright, grease-smudged eyes. He shot you a lopsided, conspiratorial grin beneath his goggles. “You're lucky, off-worlder. Usually the first wild sniff a noble takes smells like boiled bilge. Bram says you'll either swoon like a festival lady or your third eye will pop open.”
[Time: 12:04 | Phase: Midday | Location: Alkali Cauldron]

“Silence, boy,” Bram rasped without turning. His knuckles were white against the bronze rod. Beneath your boots, the deep salt bed gave a long, hollow groan—a seismic, rhythmic rumble that shook the teeth in your jaw.
Bram looked up, his saffron-stained nostrils flaring beneath his mask.
“The Grandfather has smelled the fire,” the elder said grimly. “And he dislikes the aroma of off-world engine grease. Stand up, Zephyr, and fix your nose-seal. If you run, you make an erratic vibration. If you make a vibration, you become digestion.”
[Time: 12:05 | Phase: Midday | Location: Alkali Cauldron]

I tighten the strap on my cheek with a wince, looking at Kip. “Digestion? How big is that thing, and where are we supposed to hide on a flat salt bed?”

The brass seal of the emergency Snout-Still bit into the bridge of your nose like an irritable crab. Every breath whistled through the copper catch-tube, tasting faintly of sulfur, dried mint, and yesterday's tea.
Across the blinding white expanse of the salt pan, the remains of your Zephyr skiff burned with a clean, expensive crackle.
Bram, the elder Silt-Master, remained on one knee beside a jagged crack in the salt crust, ignoring the fire entirely. His gnarled hands gripped a bronze sounding-rod driven deep into the sand. Beside him, crouching on the wreckage of a cargo crate, was Kip—his teenage apprentice—busily adjusting the intake straps on a spare filter unit.
The crack in the salt hissed.
A plume of iridescent, amber-tinted vapor puffed into the scorching air. It carried no stench of decay; rather, it struck the senses like a tidal wave of caramelized brown sugar, dark roast coffee, roasted almonds, and absolute philosophical certainty.
(The Silt-Folk maintain that a man who has never smelled prime wild Funk has only experienced existence in monochrome, though they rarely mention the accompanying sinus migraines.)
“Grade-A Prime Vent,” Kip murmured, leaning forward with bright, grease-smudged eyes. He shot you a lopsided, conspiratorial grin beneath his goggles. “You're lucky, off-worlder. Usually the first wild sniff a noble takes smells like boiled bilge. Bram says you'll either swoon like a festival lady or your third eye will pop open.”
[Time: 12:04 | Phase: Midday | Location: Alkali Cauldron]

“Silence, boy,” Bram rasped without turning. His knuckles were white against the bronze rod. Beneath your boots, the deep salt bed gave a long, hollow groan—a seismic, rhythmic rumble that shook the teeth in your jaw.
Bram looked up, his saffron-stained nostrils flaring beneath his mask.
“The Grandfather has smelled the fire,” the elder said grimly. “And he dislikes the aroma of off-world engine grease. Stand up, Zephyr, and fix your nose-seal. If you run, you make an erratic vibration. If you make a vibration, you become digestion.”
[Time: 12:05 | Phase: Midday | Location: Alkali Cauldron]
A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the vents are properly sealed. — from Manual of the Nasal Way by the Princess Irilac

The brass seal of the emergency Snout-Still bit into the bridge of your nose like an irritable crab. Every breath whistled through the copper catch-tube, tasting faintly of sulfur, dried mint, and yesterday's tea.
Across the blinding white expanse of the salt pan, the remains of your Zephyr skiff burned with a clean, expensive crackle.
Bram, the elder Silt-Master, remained on one knee beside a jagged crack in the salt crust, ignoring the fire entirely. His gnarled hands gripped a bronze sounding-rod driven deep into the sand. Beside him, crouching on the wreckage of a cargo crate, was Kip—his teenage apprentice—busily adjusting the intake straps on a spare filter unit.
The crack in the salt hissed.
A plume of iridescent, amber-tinted vapor puffed into the scorching air. It carried no stench of decay; rather, it struck the senses like a tidal wave of caramelized brown sugar, dark roast coffee, roasted almonds, and absolute philosophical certainty.
(The Silt-Folk maintain that a man who has never smelled prime wild Funk has only experienced existence in monochrome, though they rarely mention the accompanying sinus migraines.)
“Grade-A Prime Vent,” Kip murmured, leaning forward with bright, grease-smudged eyes. He shot you a lopsided, conspiratorial grin beneath his goggles. “You're lucky, off-worlder. Usually the first wild sniff a noble takes smells like boiled bilge. Bram says you'll either swoon like a festival lady or your third eye will pop open.”
[Time: 12:04 | Phase: Midday | Location: Alkali Cauldron]

“Silence, boy,” Bram rasped without turning. His knuckles were white against the bronze rod. Beneath your boots, the deep salt bed gave a long, hollow groan—a seismic, rhythmic rumble that shook the teeth in your jaw.
Bram looked up, his saffron-stained nostrils flaring beneath his mask.
“The Grandfather has smelled the fire,” the elder said grimly. “And he dislikes the aroma of off-world engine grease. Stand up, Zephyr, and fix your nose-seal. If you run, you make an erratic vibration. If you make a vibration, you become digestion.”
[Time: 12:05 | Phase: Midday | Location: Alkali Cauldron]

I tighten the strap on my cheek with a wince, looking at Kip. “Digestion? How big is that thing, and where are we supposed to hide on a flat salt bed?”

Kip chuckled, hopping down off the crate with casual balance while Bram remained frozen, eyes fixed on the vibrating sand.
“Hide?” Kip adjusted the brass valve at his collar, his voice muffled by leather. “You don't hide from an Old Man of the Vent on a salt flat, my lord. There's nothing out here taller than your knees except us.”
He tapped a curved bronze gaff hooked to his leather belt.
“Three kilometers of armored hide and a mouth that could swallow your family's pleasure yacht without chewing,” Kip explained cheerfully. “Bram's waiting for the up-swell. When the crest breaks the dune, we don't dive—we jump for the forward blowhole and catch the intake ring.”
[Time: 12:06 | Phase: Midday | Location: Alkali Cauldron]

Bram’s hand shot out like an iron clamp, grabbing your shoulder and forcing you down three inches.
“Rumble ceases,” Bram whispered, voice taut as a drawn wire. “The snout surfaces now. Breathe shallow. When the Funk hits your blood, hold your vision steady or the sand will look like water and you will drown in dry dust.”
A hundred paces away, a dune collapsed inward, revealing a yawning ring of bristled, steam-venting black plates.
[Time: 12:07 | Phase: Midday | Location: Alkali Cauldron]