Retief: Diplomat at Arms

I suppose you're wondering why you're holding this instead of something with a more respectable title. Something like "Memoirs of a Senior Diplomatic Attaché" or "Fifty Years of Bilateral Accords: A Retrospective." Perfectly understandable. Those books exist. I've never read them either.

Let me save you some time. I'm Jame Retief. Second Secretary, Corps Diplomatique Terrestrienne. The CDT is the galaxy's premier diplomatic organization, which is a polite way of saying it's the largest collection of self-important bureaucrats ever assembled under one roof, all of them convinced that the right combination of translated footnotes will prevent wars that have already started.

I've been serving the CDT for longer than I care to admit. In that time, I've learned three things: treaties are only as good as the man holding the pen, every alien race has a custom that will kill you if you get it wrong, and my superiors would rather be correct than competent.

That last one is the real problem.

The stories in here are true, more or less. Names have been changed to protect the incompetent. You'll meet Groaci with too many arms and not enough patience. You'll encounter diplomatic receptions where the food is trying to kill someone and it's rarely the right someone. You'll watch fifteen senior officials draft a resolution while one man with a functioning survival instinct handles the actual crisis.

I'm that man. I don't say that to boast. I say it because someone should, and no one at the CDT ever will.

If you're expecting dignified accounts of statesmanship, I believe there's a shelf somewhere to your left. If you'd rather see how diplomacy actually works when the gong hits the fan, stick around.

I promise it won't be boring. I can't promise it won't be official.

#tldr2026